I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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