A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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