For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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