So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
