why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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