It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
