when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
