Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
is it fun? or sober?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize