Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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