Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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