I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize