THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
