Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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