this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
