I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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