If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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