I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
