We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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