My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you win again, gameday.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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