The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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