I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
