sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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