i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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