you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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