it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
