Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i was born a porn star she said
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
