Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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