My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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