did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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