she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
