I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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