the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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