I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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