thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
