cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
