I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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