i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
