i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
