omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
