I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
