her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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