You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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