i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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