omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
