Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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