pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize