Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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