Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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