Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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