Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We're using joints as your birthday candles
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize