If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
