Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
