just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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