Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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