So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
