So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
