i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
wow bdsm is so cute
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
