He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
