Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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