no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
