well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
