So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
