WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
