just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize