Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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