she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
