I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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