I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
