i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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