you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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